How to Set Limits for Your Child Starting with Summer
Summer is upon us! Swimming, biking, theme parks, sticky bonfire smores, and maybe even, fingers crossed “unlimited screen time,” as reported by many of the hopeful and enthusiastic children I have the pleasure of talking to regularly. Behind a hopeful child, I often find a nervous parent with visions of boundary-pushing, negotiations, power struggles, complaints of boredom, wet bathing suits on the floor, and refusal of baths or bedtime.
Kids are out of school and not only are a lot of caregivers working, but many of them are still working from home! Although summers look different for every family as far as activities, we can all agree that caregivers are expected to manage a lot! So, how do you prepare yourself for a successful summer of freedom and fun, but within some limits? Let me present you with my basic behavioral magic wand, making a plan…AHEAD of time!
Simple proactive planning today instead of waiting until the challenges of tomorrow can guide you through a more harmonious and peaceful season!
5 Tips for Creating a Family Plan
Get Creative!
Let your child show off those improved writing skills, artistic abilities, or computer wizardry as you work together to write up a family plan that works for everyone!! Have a family meeting and make a poster or a document to copy and post for all to see! Use a printable calendar, a whiteboard, a large poster board, or even a cardboard box that doubles as a calm-down space, get creative, but make it visual!
Make sure that everyone who will be caring for your children know the plan!
Are Grandma and Grandpa coming to visit? Do you have a nanny who helps out? Making sure that all caregivers are familiar with your plan helps with keeping children from pushing limits.
Set Clear Expectations!
“Who is picking us up? When can we play video games? “Why does my sister always get a popsicle?” Children like to know what to expect! Some elements you might consider including in your plan are behavioral expectations, chores, screen time rules, how many popsicles they can eat in a day, or routines the children will need to follow, and share these with all adults who will be taking care of your children this summer. Don’t forget it is helpful for everyone to know their camp, vacation, or caregiver schedules!
Consistent follow-through is KEY!
What happens if I don’t do it? As part of your plan include what the children can expect if they do not follow your expectations, as well as when they do! Setting clear consequences and incentives for children ahead of time and being consistent with following through helps caregivers avoid empty threats that can reinforce negative behaviors like whining.
Surprise…plans change!
Discuss proactively with your children how sometimes things just come up! Although behavioral expectations remain the same, you will be expecting your child to show flexibility or even work on some of those coping skills they learned to help with managing disappointment! Let the children know that sometimes the unexpected can lead to a big surprise! “Dad ran out of computer ink, so we are headed to the store, but you can use some of that birthday money you have been wanting to spend, or better yet, let’s hit the snack bar if everyone can follow our plan while we are out!”
The memories of summer can last a lifetime, so schedule some fun! I love surprise family activities that acknowledge how hard everyone is working like putting up that dusty tent and having an outdoor sleepover, going for a night walk with flashlights, or my personal favorite, chasing down fireflies WAY past bedtime! Cheers to a well-prepared summer family!
Manatee is a virtual mental health clinic for families. If you are curious about how to learn more proactive parenting skills or determine age-appropriate expectations and consequences, book a free 20-minute consultation with an expert.