10 Ways to Make Sure “Back-to-School” Is a Success
Yep. Summer is almost over and the new school year has arrived. Whether you’re over the moon or an anxious mess, let’s face it... returning to school will be a major change for our kids and for caregivers.
So, it’s no surprise you’re wondering: “How the heck do I prepare my kids?”. Here are 10 proven strategies that may help your family.
I'm Dr. Mercedes, a child psychologist and parenting expert. I run the clinical team at Manatee, a virtual mental health clinic that helps families thrive and overcome the mental health challenges.
There is a lot of pressure during this time of the year for most parents and kids. We all ask ourselves, “How can we transition into ‘School Mode’?” “How can I ensure that my kid is thriving and performing in school?” “How can I set up my entire family for success this Fall?”
Well, if we’ve learned anything during the Olympics from Simone Biles (and many other athletes), it’s that mental health is imperative for our performance. Similarly, kids cannot excel in school if they are emotionally and mentally struggling. So, if we want our kids to thrive in school, we must focus on setting their mental health up for success.
10 things to strengthen your kid’s mental health:
Stay positive AND realistic
It will take some time to adjust to a new teacher, new friends, new school etc. Make sure you ask open-ended questions about how they are feeling about school. Avoid being overly optimistic by saying things like: “It’s going to be a great year!” “You’ll be fine!” Instead, be supportive and realistic. Let them know that some days will feel easier than others, but they can do hard things and will be able to overcome challenges. If they have bad days, it doesn’t mean that the entire year will be difficult. Some key questions to get the conversation started:
How are you feeling about going back to school?
What are you most excited about? Anything you’re not looking forward to?
What do you think will help on the harder days? How can I help you?
Create a back-to-school family manifesto
A family manifesto communicates to your kids, “this is who we are as a family”. It shows unity and helps emphasize your values and goals for the year. This is a great way to practice point #1. Stick it on the fridge door or somewhere else that's visible, so kids and parents have a daily reminder.
Focus on your needs too
As parents, we sometimes overextend ourselves and forget that we cannot give from an empty cup. In order for our kids to be well, we must take care of ourselves too. How have you built in ways for you to get what you need into the family routine? For example, could you all agree that after school, the kids get 30 min of screen time to wind down and you get 30 min of alone time? Or you go on a walk after dinner with your child? Or perhaps you sign up for an art class on Saturday mornings? Making room for your needs helps kids 1) learn that their needs matter 2) learn to value other people’s needs, and finally, 3) practice making this work for “both of us”
Praise effort
...and not grades! This is always recommended but at the start of the year when parents, kids, and teachers may be extra concerned about “falling behind.” If your kid is truly trying their best, they are doing great! Focus on their hard work, practice, positive habits and continued discipline. These skills are the cornerstones of success. Marry the process, not the results.
Listen to your kid
Prioritize connecting with your child. Listen to what they are interested in, what is bothering them and what is exciting. Try to not ask too many questions, but listen and watch how they respond. This will help you pick up on any mood changes quickly. Research shows even 15 minutes dedicated to connecting and learning about your kid or partner’s world makes a huge difference (e.g. catching up in the car, asking for input on a work project, extra snuggles before bed or cooking together). You do not need to schedule something extra in, it’s all about being truly present and making your kid or partner feel seen.
Stick to a routine
Morning and night routines are very important, even for teens! It doesn’t have to be clockwork everyday, but a schedule helps your kids create healthy habits and avoid the dreaded daily arguments. In fact, routines help kids get more sleep (vital to learn and develop social emotional skills), build confidence and independence, and reduce stress and anxiety!
Relaxation, exercise, nutrition and sleep
I know. Easier said than done, but these “four pillars of health” are vital to maintain mental health and should be considered as you build your family’s routine. Brainstorm creative and fun solutions with your kids, for example; make a weekend family activity rotation that gets you outside or introduce a fun mealtime schedule like ‘meatless mondays’ ‘taco tuesdays’ ‘veggie fridays’ etc. The key is to make it work for your family, and though you may get some crazy suggestions, letting your kids have a say will likely get them excited.
Don’t overschedule
School is likely going to feel EXHAUSTING for kids at first, and so will the emotional waves that will come with a new school year. Avoid overscheduling kids or yourself! Allow an hour of downtime after kids come home from school. Us humans need that mental relaxation to perform well. Whenever possible, keep 2 hours of ‘unscheduled’ time in everyone’s days. Time for your brain to decompress and be bored is very important for brain development, creativity, and problem solving skills.
Make a ‘Coping Toolbox’ together
Create a list of tools with your kids that they can use when they are upset (e.g. going for a walk, calling a friend, listening to music. For inspiration, check out our "How to help your kids deal with stress" blog. For example, if your child is angry and goes outside to kick a soccer ball, you can say; “That is such a great way of letting your feelings out. I'm proud of you!” You can also ask what you can do to help when they are in a funk.
Build a community
For you and your kid. No one understands what you are going through like people in the same situation. Whether it's a new school, or going back to school, it is important for kids to feel connected to their teachers and other students. Help them have a sense of belonging, for example: Can they join a club? Volunteer to help younger students? Can you volunteer for school activities? Schedule a monthly activity with other school parents?
Most importantly, pay attention to your kids as they adjust to a new school year. Notice any changes and learn the mental health warning signs. Too many kids struggle for too long before their parents notice. If you aren’t sure if your kid may need more support, talk to their school counselor, a therapist, or book a free consultation at Manatee.
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