How to respond when your kids say “it’s not my fault!”
By Mercedes Oromendia, our Chief Clinical Officer
It's a known fact that people do NOT like to be wrong. We don’t want to get in trouble. We don’t want to face negative consequences. And many times, we want the easy way out. So why is it so upsetting when our kids constantly say things like "it's not my fault!" or "it wasn't me!"?
Because hearing those phrases could make you think several things about your kid: they lack empathy, they're unwilling to take responsibility for their actions, or they aren't ready to face the consequences of their actions. None of these are favorable characteristics.
It's entirely normal for kids to point fingers or place the blame on someone or something else. They don't want to get into trouble and sometimes, they genuinely don't think it's their fault! To them, they only hit their sibling because they took their toy, therefore, it's their sibling's fault. However, it is a cause for concern when they NEVER seem to take responsibility for their actions. And how we respond as parents could make a world of a difference in raising a child who takes accountability.
How to respond to "it's not my fault" 🤔
✅ Respond, don't react. While this phrase might be extremely annoying, especially if we hear it all the time, it's important that we don't negatively react. Our reactions in the past may be the reason why they don't want to tell the truth now.
✅ Create a safe and comfortable environment for your child, to tell the truth. Telling the truth is not easy, especially when you've done something wrong. Reiterate that your child could always come to you and that you'll always be there for them, no matter the situation.
✅ Be empathetic and validate your child’s feelings and concerns. To them, their "bad" action was only in response to something that hurt or frustrated them. Be sure to acknowledge the way they felt at that moment before jumping to how they should have responded.
✅ Be available to help problem-solve and work through difficult situations. Kids might think what they did was the best solution to the problem because they don't know any better. By offering your problem-solving skills, you guys could come up with better solutions for different scenarios so they know how to handle that situation next time.
✅ Model responsibility and honesty. Kids mimic what they see. If they see you taking responsibility for your actions and being honest, especially when you mess up, they'll be more likely to copy that behavior.
