How to keep from yelling at your kids
By Mercedes Oromendia, our Chief Clinical Officer
Real talk. EVERY PARENT loses their sh*t sometimes. Yes, even the picture-perfect mom or dad on Instagram!
Your kid is doing something you've told them countless times to not do.
Or they're throwing a massive tantrum in the car. Or they throw their broccoli across the table. It doesn't matter what the trigger is, every parent loses their patience sometimes.
If you find yourself feeling suddenly very angry, hurt, or helpless when your kids do or say something, you may be getting triggered. Parenting triggers interfere with our ability to effectively parent. Common parenting triggers include:
crying
whining
tantrums
disobedience
siblings fighting
Rather than reacting calmly and supportively when our kids are upset, we may find ourselves yelling, saying something hurtful, threatening, and punishing. We often do these things to lessen our own emotional discomfort… not necessarily because it’s the best way to help our kids or the most effective.
Many triggers come from our childhood and from our experiences within our own families as we were growing up. For example, if you were not allowed to talk back to your parents (without punishment), you may be triggered when your child talks back or challenges your authority. All that hurt and anger bubbles up again because it has not been resolved, but this time it gets directed at your child instead of at the person who upset you in your past.
If you can start to identify your triggers by paying attention to your reactions and when they happen, you will start to realize that these feelings may be from the past – and don’t belong in the present directed at your kids. Once you’re aware that you’ve been triggered, you can take the necessary steps to calm down before reacting negatively.
4 tips to keep your composure when your kids misbehave
1. Give yourself a short break ⏱️ When you feel you're getting upset, take some quiet time to yourself - even if it's just 5 minutes alone.
2. Take deep breaths 💨 Do a couple breathing exercises to slow your racing heart. You can just tell your kid: "I need a quick break to calm my body down because I am feeling angry. I will be back in 5 minutes."
3. Ask yourself why you're upset 😣 Figure out why you’re frustrated and you’ll be able to take the necessary steps to find a solution.
4. Be proactive about recharging 🔋 Schedule small amounts of time to do things you love, this will build your resilience and increasing your patience.