Why is my child having a meltdown after school?
If you have a child in school, you’ve probably encountered these post-school meltdowns that leave you pretty baffled, especially if they seemed completely fine up until that moment.
While it’s not exactly a household term, “After-school Restraint Collapse” is a phenomenon that can have a significant impact on children’s well-being and academic success.
Rest assured, you're not alone, and there are practical ways to help your child overcome this!
What is After-School Restraint Collapse (ARC)?
After-school Restraint Collapse, or ARC, is the sudden release of emotional and behavioral control that children experience after a structured day at school. It shows up in many ways, including mood swings, meltdowns, defiance, and exhaustion.
Imagine your kid as a tightly wound spring that finally unwinds as soon as they step through the door at home… that’s ARC.
Why do these after-school meltdowns happen?
Long story short, kids have a lot to deal with whenever they’re at school! Focusing on learning, socializing with classmates and interacting with teachers, and the physical effort of being at school can be a heavy load for kids.
Cognitive load: A typical school day is really demanding for children, both mentally and emotionally. They have to maintain focus, follow rules, and navigate social interactions. After-school restraint collapse happens when the cognitive load gets to be too much.
Emotional suppression: Children often suppress their emotions in school to conform to classroom or even social expectations. So when they get home, where they feel safe and comfortable, these pent-up emotions come rushing out.
Physical fatigue: A full school day can be physically tiring, between going from classroom to classroom, carrying books, and physical activities from PE or recess or extracurriculars.
Then combine this fatigue with emotional and mental stress… you have the recipe for an after-school meltdown.
The Consequences of ARC
Addressing ARC isn’t just about preventing immediate meltdowns; it's about long-term emotional and academic well-being. The day-to-day stress of going to school can lead to some long-term challenges for kids down the road.
Stress and anxiety: Frequent after-school restraint collapses can lead to chronic stress and anxiety in children that often show up as undesired behaviors (i.e. high energy, not listening, defiance).
Academic performance: ARC can hinder a child's ability to focus on homework and retain information learned in school, potentially impacting their academic success.
Parent-child relationships: The strain of dealing with after-school meltdowns is hard for everyone, both parent and child.
5 Tips for Dealing with After-School Meltdowns
Set a predictable daily routine ☀️
Establish a consistent daily routine that includes designated homework time, playtime, and bedtime. Predictability can help reduce stress in your kids by offering a sense of security, because they know what to expect from the rest of their day - but be careful not to overplan!
Check out our routine-building handouts for some ideas.Rest and refuel after school 🧃
That said, it’s important for kids to have some downtime or even get a little bored, especially when they get home after school. This is also the perfect time for healthy snacks to refuel their energy, and a walk outside or something active to release built-up tension. Feel free to use this wind-down time as designated screen-free time, too - especially if your kids are using a lot of tech at school!Be a good homework buddy 📚
The general rule of thumb is that each grade level equals 10 minutes of homework - so a third grader can do 30 minutes of homework, 80 minutes for an 8th grader, and so forth. This guideline can help you set reasonable expectations for your kid when they’re doing their homework. Offer your assistance without putting pressure on kiddo, by discussing their assignments with them and decide together which ones you can do together. Remember, homework brings some of that school stress home, too, so approach it with patience.Practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques 🧘
Teach your child mindfulness exercises or relaxation techniques to manage their emotions better.
Here are a few activities we love for kids:Imagine your favorite place and write or draw about it.
Listen to short meditations.
Go outside, walk around, and lay down in the grass.
Make a list of 3 people you are grateful for.
Give your bad feeling a name and draw a picture of what you think it might look like. What does it look like? What does it not look like?
Look up at the clouds and remember that emotions are like clouds - they come and go, beautiful, and always changing!
Be open and communicate 💬
Keep building trust between you and your child by practicing open communication, creating a safe space for sharing feelings, and letting them know you're there to listen without judgment. Here are some great questions you can ask after they come home from school:What was your favorite part about school?
What did you learn from school today?
Is there anything that you struggled with at school today? What did you learn from it?
How did someone show you kindness or love today?
Did you have a chance to be kind to anyone today?
When to seek professional help
If these after-school meltdowns persist or become severe, you may need some additional support. Consult with your pediatrician or child psychologist for professional guidance. Don't hesitate to reach out for help when needed.
After-school restraint collapse is a common challenge for parents of school-age children, but with trust, consistency, and understanding, you can help your child navigate this phase more smoothly. Stay patient and empathetic, and create a supportive and loving environment that encourages your child's emotional growth and well-being. Remember, you're not alone in this journey, and together, you and your child can overcome after-school meltdowns.
Manatee is holding a free back-to-school webinar to help parents navigate the chaos of school starting. Register now for our August 21st webinar!
